Last Day of Term 2.

Got my report book back today. My result is at its worse stage in Xinmin: lowest percentage, highest L1R5, and most number of underlined marks - you know what that means. The only thing is that my class and level position is still considered "差强人意", not too bad in general, though still a tremendous drop.

Luckily my mum did not complain too much about my results - I still couldn't forget my first semester in Xinmin, the unbelievably un-awesome result.

Anyway, what's over is over, gotta focus on the next semester. Everything is gonna be even more difficult. Studies, CCA, and Maths Project. Now, I am just concentrating on SMO, which is just in less than 5 days time. Hopefully I can clinch something that I wish to achieve, at least for Senior Section. I believe I can make it! =D

Wow, how time flies. I've alrdy been in Singapore for 2.5 yrs.

Struggle through life...

Sometimes, I seriously have no idea why im studying something that I have zero understanding about and have zero interest in knowing.

Life just sucks huh? You don't really have much of a choice. There are full of restrictions, blocking our way to our dreams. Human race probably could evolve in a much faster rate if there were more freedom.

I recalled what Mr Kevin Cheng said (or nagged) in class today, "You don't have to succeed in life, you can fail.". Of course he was being sarcastic when he said this, he merely wanted us to be those "obedient kid" that he imagined, or something like that (im not too sure). In any case, despite his scornful and penetrating words at times, I don't really agree with what he said, although he had a point there. He can't just criticize those people who might not put in enough effort, because the fact is: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Albert Einstein etc did not complete their education, they make themselves an alternative route: work towards their dreams.

Anyway, whatever, why am i talking crap over here. Hmm... Waste of space? XD

Holy Crap.

... and we still have to struggle no matter what.

Screw it.

Fail two subjects today, Physics and Chemistry. Other subjects are also very disappointing, even for E and A maths.

MGBM le :X

Then, another thing. Made me do a little bit of thinking. What shld i do? Crap. Tried very best, bt still failed eventually. Hmm, I got a bit dejavu-ed, and realise it was exactly like my academics, been studied for so bloody hard, bt got this kind of result.

Freakedout. Biasness, unfairness, uncooperative, attitude problem. Everything will be okay? Hah, juz another sentence to encourage ownself that we can pretend ntg's ever happen.

..

Exam's over.

Freak.. Still've got so many things to do. And post-exam activities dun seem very fun. Like vry usual kind of activity. Right brain's sleeping huh? 0.0

I think im gonna screwed this yr's maths olympiad. For the first times in years, they all looked alien to me. God, my brain cells are dying. I dun even know where to start.. Haiz..

Forget it.

盼望曙光尽快来。。。

灰色的雾笼罩着眼帘外的一切，视线顿然变得模糊，导致身子差点稳不住。感觉像只迷了路的小绵羊，东张西望四处扫描，却不见牧童的踪影。脑袋闪过“绝望”二字，虽不愿接受，却也无可奈何。

将近半载，一件又一件事迹证实了失败的存在。如何让它告辞？

“乐观”在这种关头已形成了面具，内心的创伤并非一日建成。世界上还有那一贴药能够拯救它，挽救这个悲剧？冰冻三尺，非一日之寒。但，世界还有温暖人心的曙光吗？希望何在？

渐渐地，我就该彻底让“绝望”来代替我的灵魂。

“寂寞”及“孤独”

刚刚读了kai lin的部落格，发现她其中一则里有几行字异常有趣，使我感触良多，也让我对“寂寞”及“孤独”这两个词有着更深一层的领悟。

当我们看到一个人独来独往，总以为那是寂寞。
实际上，这只是外表，内心活动，别人无法窥探。
你们会以为他们是为寂寞所苦，也许正适得其反，
说不定他正恣意地享受多彩的内心生活，
不愿别人打扰，有意维护属于自己的个人空间。
同样的，寂寞的人未见得孤独单行，他们越是在众人之中，
越感到缺少知音，不被人了解，与他人格格不入。

“孤独”不一定是“寂寞”。“孤独”是只身一人，而更准确来说，引用她的说法，便是“独自一人，所以从外表上看起来很寂寞”，但从当事人的角度来看却不一定很可怜。相反的，他可能会觉得非常自由，无拘无束，甚至有可能正在享受生活，乐在其中。

“寂寞”则是内心非常空虚，没有方向、目标、动力。它是悲惨的，让人产生绝望的情绪。即使在茫茫人群中，也会感到非常痛苦、浑身不自在，并且无人陪伴。